No One is the Same

 

No One is the Same

Even though thousands of women are diagnosed every year, no one deals with the news the same as another. There are similarities, but just because you dealt with your diagnosis one way doesn’t mean your sister, your friend, or your co-worker will deal with it the same as you.

The initial reaction to getting a diagnosis is varied, I remember I just sat there in shock. Even though I found my own lump and brought it to the attention of my doctor, it was still a stock. I love the question from my doctor, “Do you have any questions?” Really? I had so many questions but I couldn’t get any of them formulated at that moment. My brain had shut down, I was numb and my mouth and my brain felt disconnected.

Others burst out crying at the mention of cancer and other reactions stem all along the spectrum. Your family will also react in different ways, some helpful, others not so much. The victim in the family will act as if you are doing this to them. Others will be over emotional, some stoic. The thing to remember it isn’t your job to make everyone else feel better about your cancer. I think as women it’s what we do, but honestly, it’s not your responsibility. 

If people are too much for you to handle, allow someone else in your life to buffer those people and their emotions. You have enough of your own emotions to deal with without feeling the emotions of others. Suggest your contact be like it used to be, if you are friends that go to lunch, talk about the latest movies, do that. You haven’t changed, it’s still you, and you still like most of things you used to like. Cancer is a disease, it’s not contagious and it shouldn’t affect your relationships. But it does, so have the conversations necessary to come to an understanding of what that looks like. 

Don’t make assumptions that you or your peeps will react the same as others. Understand that it will be necessary to process emotions and the grief that goes with that. Time does heal, give yourself time and the space to process what your cancer experience effects and what that means to you, your family and your friends. Be open to talking about what’s going on with you both physically and emotionally. It’s ok to choose someone outside of your main circle who isn’t as emotionally vested. Practice on them then work toward having the similar conversations with those closer.